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Richard's Page

However with some kids this is not the case. Some kids have problems, these can range from problems at home, neurological disorders, mental problems, or they simply do not fit in with the ‘in’ crowd.

As we discussed earlier kids get to a point in their life when they grow out of things like cartoon, toys and other pre-adolescent activities and into the ‘cool’ stuff, like music, sports and other adolescent interests however some kids don’t do that at that stage.

Kids with neurological disorders, such as Aspergers syndrome and other disorders, deal with the inability to fit in with the crowd because of this they are alienated from the rest, they deal with name calling, being left out and bullied, this happens in all schools including private schools, no kid is safe from this.

Bullies are not the messed up kids that we see in the media. They can be everyone, anyone who feels superior to others, it doesn’t just boil down to who has the disorder or who is simply immature, anyone can be bullied it just doesn’t get talked about.

Media has a lot to answer for they create these stereotypes that kids who like things like reading, computers and other similar ventures are nerds, and those who do not have an education are the winners in today’s society…. Hello, Bill gates is the richest man on the planet???

Personal Interests are a big issue as well, once kids hit around 12 -13 their interests change, especially in boys, there interests change from things like trading cards and action figures to skateboards, music and girls, but some kids just don’t make that decision at that age, some kids make that transition and different stages of their life.

There are also just some kids who don’t get the opportunity to fit in, or no-one lets them fit in, social skills are a major factor for this, but think for a second, what if we taught these kids social skills by letting them hang out with us when we are younger. If they can see human interaction and develop these skills on their own, so when they reach high school they know what is expected of them, but because kids are bigoted folk which is expected at that age this will not happen.

So in conclusion who do we have to blame for these kids being bullied??? Certainly not the kids that’s for sure, it’s the bully, people need to learn to get along, but why can’t YOU start, be kind to the nerd, support the kids with the disorders, your not doing anything to help them by bullying and putting them down.

MT
Links:

Richard's Draft Article
Richard's Tools Research

350invasion.com is the website for the youth program i am part of, check it out. it is a church program so some of the articles are a bit preachy but its got all the stuff relevant for the website. You can't accsess alot of the content but DON'T REGISTER with it. it is designed for youth and leaders pretty much.

If you would like to see the rest of the stuff just ask me and i will show you when we are in the library :)

I plan to do an article on bullying in high school

Here is the information that I promised to give you in class.

http://www.mtstcil.org/skills/image-1.html accessed 5/08/09

What is Self-Image?
Self-Image - The idea, conception, or mental image one has of oneself. Self-Esteem - Respect or favorable image of oneself (Random House Dictionary)
Self-image is how you perceive yourself. It is a number of self-impressions that have built up over time: What are your hopes and dreams? What do you think and feel? What have you done throughout your life and what did you want to do? These self-images can be very positive, giving a person confidence in their thoughts and actions, or negative, making a person doubtful of their capabilities and ideas.

Surprisingly, your self-image can be very different from how the world sees you. Some people who outwardly seem to have it all (intelligence, looks, personal and financial success) may have a bad self-image. Conversely, others who have had a very difficult life and multiple hardships may also have a very positive self-image.

Some believe that a person's self-image is defined by events that affect him or her (doing well or not in school, work, or relationships.) Others believe that a person's self-image can help shape those events. There is probably some truth to both schools of thought: failing at something can certainly cause one to feel bad about oneself, just as feeling good about oneself can lead to better performance on a project. But it cannot be denied that your self-image has a very strong impact on your happiness, and your outlook on life can affect those around you. If you project a positive self-image, people will be more likely to see you as a positive, capable person.

However, it's important that your self-image be both positive and realistic. Having a self-image that is unrealistic can be a drawback, whether that self-image is negative OR positive. Sometimes having an occasional negative thought or criticism about oneself can encourage change, hard work, growth and success. Sometimes having too positive an image of oneself can encourage complacency, underachievement, and arrogance. Finding the balance between feeling positive about oneself but having realistic goals is important.

Define Your Self-Image: What's Your Internal Voice Saying?
It's surprising how often, and how natural, it is to judge oneself. Have you ever asked yourself "what was I thinking?" or thought to yourself "that was stupid" when doing something? That was your internal voice judging you. In some people that internal voice can be too critical and harsh, leading to low self-esteem. In others, it may be so weak that they don't notice when they are mean or insensitive to others.

Listening to your internal voice and judgments of yourself is the first step to changing your self-image and esteem. Being aware of self-criticisms (or lack of criticisms) can help you determine your current self-image and decide if it needs to be improved and how.

One way to gain a better understanding of your current self-image is to imagine your reaction to certain situations. For example, if you start a beautiful morning thinking, "I can't wait to get outside and do things!" instead of chiding yourself for not getting out of bed, "don't be such a lazy slob; start moving", you are exhibiting a more positive internal voice.

But sometimes it's hard not to listen to an internal voice, even when that voice is critical. Sometimes a person passes internal judgments to protect him or herself from potentially awkward or uncomfortable situations. For example, telling yourself you aren't able to do something or convincing yourself that others won't like you is a way of avoiding potential failure or rejection. Because of this, people often put up with internal criticisms, even though they lead to low self-esteem.

But it is possible to protect yourself without limiting yourself. For example, you could place less importance on other's opinions of you ("so what if they don't like me?"), or emphasize the positive ("at least I wasn't afraid to try"), or you can practice silencing your internal voice or correct it when it exaggerates your negative traits. It's important that when you make internal judgments you also listen to the more rational part of yourself that can adjust for any unreasonable criticism.

Take The Test
How positive is your self-image? Answer these true or false statements and find out.

1. My glass is always half-empty, not half-full.
2. I'm always apologizing for things.
3. I'm always telling myself I "should" be doing this or that.
4. I constantly criticize myself.
5. What other people think about me dictates how I feel about myself.
6. I am critical of my mistakes and relive them over and over.
7. I always let the people who care about me down.
8. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
9. A partial failure is as bad as a complete failure.
10. I bend over backwards to please others.
11. I am not sure I have done a good job unless someone else points it out.
12. It's hard for me to forgive and forget.
13. I have to work harder than others for relationships and am afraid that the relationships I have will fail.
14. If I don't do as well as others, it means that I am not as good as them.
15. If I can't do something well, there is no point in doing it at all.

Results:
Give yourself 1 point for each question you answered with a "true".

0 - 4: You have a generally positive way of thinking and should feel good about yourself. Keep it up!

5 - 8: You may be struggling with some negative emotions. Take time to review your good qualities.

9 or more: You can be very critical of yourself. Challenge yourself to change your way of thinking!

Improving Your Self Image
Improving your self-image, like improving any skill, takes time and practice. Developing good self-esteem involves encouraging a positive (but realistic) attitude toward yourself and the world around you and appreciating your worth, while at the same time behaving responsibly towards others. Self-esteem isn't self-absorption; it's self-respect.

By working from the inside out (focusing on changing your own way of thinking before changing the circumstances around you), you can build your self-esteem. The goal of this positive thinking is to give yourself a more positive self-concept, while seeing yourself honestly and accepting yourself, and removing the internal barriers that can keep you from doing your best.

Positive Thinking
There are many ways a person can change negative thoughts and self-criticism to more realistic and positive thoughts. Focusing on all of them at once may be overwhelming, but focusing on a few at a time and reminding yourself of these positive approaches regularly can change your self-esteem.

Read the positive thought strategies below and choose several that would help you most. Write them down and remind yourself to pause and change your way of thinking each time you are being critical of yourself. As you become more comfortable with each new way of thinking (for example, learning not to apologize or accept blame for other's anger) try adding a new positive thought strategy to your list.

Positive Thought Strategies
Avoid exaggerations.
Correct your internal voice when it exaggerates, especially when it exaggerates the negative. Try to avoid thinking in extreme terms ("I always make that mistake" or "I'll never get that promotion.")
Nip negative thoughts in the bud.
Sometimes putting a stop on negative thinking is as easy as that. The next time you start giving yourself an internal browbeating, tell yourself to "stop it!" If you saw a person yelling insults at another person, you would probably tell them to stop. Why do you accept that behavior from yourself?
Accentuate the positive.
Instead of focusing on what you think are your negative qualities, accentuate your strengths and assets. Maybe you didn't ace the test you were studying for, but maybe your hard work and perseverance led to a better grade than you would have had. Maybe you felt nervous and self-conscious when giving a presentation at work, but maybe your boss and coworkers respected you for getting up and trying.
Accept flaws and being human.
Maybe you did get nervous and blow that presentation at work - so what? Talk to your boss about what went wrong, try to address the error in the future, and move on. All people have flaws and make mistakes. Your boss, coworkers, friends, family, postman, congressman, and favorite movie star have all made mistakes. They've forgiven themselves; so can you.

Accept imperfections.
Perfection is a high goal to aim for -- you don't need to start there or even end there. Make doing your best your ideal -- what more can you realistically do? Focus on what you've gained from the process and how you can use it in the future. Avoid focusing on what wasn't done or 'should have' been done differently. Allow yourself to make mistakes and then forgive yourself. Try laughing instead of criticizing.
Don't bully yourself!
"Should have, could have, would have ... " Try not to constantly second guess yourself, criticize yourself for what you "should" have done better, or expect too much from yourself. Don't put standards on yourself that you wouldn't expect from others. It's great to want to do well, but expecting yourself to be perfect (which is impossible) and then punishing yourself when you fail is a vicious cycle. Using expressions like "I should have" is just a way of punishing yourself after the fact.
Replace criticism with encouragement.
Instead of nagging or focusing on the negative (in yourself and others), replace your criticism with encouragement. Give constructive criticism instead of being critical ("maybe if I tried to do next time, it would be even better" instead of "I didn't do that right.") Compliment yourself and those around you on what you have achieved ("well, we may not have done it all, but we did a pretty great job with what we did".)
Don't feel guilty about things beyond your control.
You are not to blame every time something goes wrong or someone has a problem. Apologizing for things and accepting blame can be a positive quality, if you are in the wrong and if you learn and move on. But you shouldn't feel responsible for all problems or assume you are to blame whenever someone is upset.
Don't feel responsible for everything.
Just as everything is not your fault, not everything is your responsibility. It's okay to be helpful, but don't feel the need to be all things (and do all things) for all people. This is taking too much of a burden on yourself AND limiting those around you. Let others be responsible for themselves and their actions -- you shouldn't feel responsible for their happiness.
Do feel responsible for your feelings.
Just as you can't "make" other people happy, don't expect others to "make" you feel happy or good about yourself. In the same way, they shouldn't make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. You create your own feelings and make your own decisions. People and events may have an affect on your emotions, but they can't dictate them.
Treat yourself kindly.
People often feel more comfortable treating themselves in ways they wouldn't consider treating others. Do you criticize yourself with terms like "stupid" "ugly" or "loser"? Would you use those terms to describe a friend? Remind yourself that you deserve to be treated as well as you treat others. Do something nice for yourself sometimes -- either in thought (give yourself a compliment) or action (treat yourself to a nice dinner or new book.)
Give yourself a break.
You don't need to be all things to all people or please everyone. Give yourself permission to decide you're doing the best you can. Remind yourself when you're doing things well -- don't wait to hear it from someone else.
Choose the brighter side of things.
You can choose how to interpret comments and events, so try for the more positive interpretations. If someone says, "You look good today," don't ask yourself "What was wrong with the way I looked yesterday?" Accept compliments graciously (don't ask yourself why you haven't been complemented on something else or why you haven't complemented you before.) Look at temporary setbacks as opportunities for growth.
Forgive and forget.
Try not to hang on to painful memories and bad feelings - this is a surefire way to encourage negative thoughts and bad moods. Your past can control you if you don't control it. If you can, forgive past wrongs and move on. (Don't forget that forgiving yourself is an important part of this process, too!) If you have a hard time forgiving or forgetting, consider talking through your emotions with a good friend or counselor, but try not to dwell. It's important to work through things, but you can't let the past determine your future.
Focus on what you CAN do, not what you can't.
Avoid "can't" thinking or other negative language. If you say something often enough, you may start to believe it, so keep your statements positive, not negative. Don't be afraid to seek help in accomplishing things, but remind yourself that you don't need approval from others to recognize your accomplishments. Focus on what you're able to do. Remind yourself of all your capabilities and positive qualities.
Using just one or two of the above strategies on a regular basis can greatly increase your positive self-image and self-esteem. Making these internal changes will increase your confidence in yourself and your willingness and ability to make external changes and improve your life.

Worksheet: Remember Your Good Qualities!
Reminding yourself of your positive qualities is one of the fastest ways to improve and maintain a positive self-image. This worksheet is intended to help.

Use the following list as a guide, or write your own list. What are you good at? What qualities do you have that make you feel good about yourself? What are positive things people have said about you? Print this worksheet, and circle or highlight the words that describe you.

Put this list someplace where you can see it and remind yourself regularly of all your good qualities.

I AM ...

Adaptable, Adventurous, Affectionate, Ambitious, Artistic, Assertive, Broad-minded
Capable, Caring, Charming, Cheerful, Clear-headed, Clever, Compassionate, Competent
Confident, Conscientious, Considerate, Courageous, Creative, Dependable, Determined,
Devoted, Dynamic, Easy-going, Efficient, Energetic, Enterprising, Enthusiastic, Fair, Faithful, Flexible, Friendly, Funny, Generous, Gentle, Glad, Good-natured, Happy
Helpful, Honest, Hopeful, Idealistic, Imaginative, Independent, Industrious, Intelligent
Inventive, Kind Likable Logical Lovable Mature Merry Modest Natural Neat Non-judgmental Nurturing Open-minded Optimistic Organized Original Outgoing Patient
Peaceful Persevering Persistent Pleasant Polite Positive, Practical, Precise, Progressive
Punctual Rational Realistic Reasonable Reflective Relaxed Reliable Resourceful
Responsible Robust Sexy Sincere Sociable Spontaneous Spunky Stable Strong
Tactful Talented Tenacious Thorough Tolerant Trusting Trustworthy Truthful
Understanding Unique Versatile Warm Witty Zany

Why not take a few minutes now to write your own description and include some of the nice things people have said about you.

Role Playing and Sample Situations
The best way to improve your self-image is through practice. Below are a number of experiences you may have that require you to question your self-image. Try practicing your responses to the situations below. You may want to ask a relative, friend, or advisor, whom you feel has a positive self-image and confidence in you, to listen to your responses and offer advice. Or, call your local Mountain State Center for Independent Living. Counselors there can listen to you and help you improve your self-image.

Scenario 1. Your friend has invited you to a party, which you'd really like to attend. Unfortunately you have nothing new to wear and you haven't got the money to buy a new outfit. Which of the following would you do:

A. Turn down the invitation.
B. Go, but know everyone realizes you couldn't afford a new outfit.
C. Think of some way to modify an old outfit and go.
D. Realize that you were invited, not your clothes, and go.

Responses:
If you chose option A, you are not only punishing yourself by turning down a fun opportunity, but you are also placing too much emphasis on physical appearance and others' perceptions of you. Remind yourself that a 'sparkling' personality can be far more attractive than a new outfit.
If you chose option B, you have decided to go but are setting yourself up to have a bad time. You're also not giving others the benefit of the doubt - they may care more about how you behave than how you appear.
Option C is not a bad decision and shows a lot of ingenuity on your part. Congratulate yourself on being creative, but remind yourself that appearances (and others' opinions) aren't everything.
Option D indicates you have enough self-esteem to accept the invitation as an indication of your self worth.

Scenario 2. The boss asks you to organize a going-away luncheon. You've never done this before so:

A. You tell your boss you can't do it.
B. You ask you boss to pick someone else because you've never done this before.
C. You talk to someone who has done this before and get advice.

Responses:
If you chose option A, you've given up without even trying. Not only are you limiting yourself, but you are also limiting your opportunities. The more often you respond with a 'no', the less often you'll be asked or offered special opportunities.
If you chose option B, you've provided an honest answer. This is good, but you've also foregone a chance to improve your relationship with your boss and his or her confidence in you. It's fine to admit that you don't have a specific skill, but you can make this admission positive by showing your boss you have initiative and are eager to learn. Instead of recommending someone else, you may want to say "I've never done this before, but I'd love to try and will read up on it and get advice from someone who has" or "I'm not sure I know how to do this, but would like to learn; maybe Mr. X (a coworker with more experience) and I can work on this together."
Option C is another sensible approach. If, after getting the advice, you still think you can't undertake the assignment, you at least can go back to your boss, showing him or her that you've made an effort to learn.

Scenario 3. Your class assignment from the night before is due, but you weren't able to figure out some of the answers. You:

A. Copy your neighbor's work.
B. Skip class.
C. Don't hand in the assignment.
D. Hand in what you have done with an explanation that, although you tried, you weren't able to answer all of the questions and ask for an appointment so your teacher can help you.

Responses:
Neither A, B nor C are good reasons for not turning in your assignment. Worse, option A is cheating! If you chose any of the first three options, you have not focused on the real problem: you didn't understand the assignment. This is no reflection on your capabilities. Everyone has difficulties at certain times or with certain subjects, but you are limiting yourself even more by not addressing the problem and learning how to handle it in the future.
Option D shows your teacher that you have made your best effort but still are having a problem. Most teachers will understand this. The purpose of class assignments is to 'test' your understanding of what you are learning before you are actually tested and your teacher is there to help. You may just need one-on-one time to ask questions that weren't answered in class, or maybe you need to review the lesson again or walk through the exercises with your teacher.

Scenario 4. You are behind on bills so you decide to use a credit card to pay them. When you discover you're still behind on bills the following month, you decide to use another credit card. Eventually you're behind on all your bills and cards, so you:

A. See if you can get another credit card.
B. Borrow money from family and friends.
C. Seek advise from a financial advisor or consumer group about how to create a budget, consolidate your debt, and pay it off.

Responses:
If you chose option A, you are just making your financial difficulties worse! Anyone can have financial problems, but "covering them up" by using credit cards with high interest rates is just going to make you deeper in debt. The first thing you should do is put yourself on a budget and pay off your credit cards. You may also need to get a loan or work out a payment plan with some of your creditors. Don't be ashamed to admit that you need to work within a budget - this is far more financially responsible than pretending that you don't. You'll be surprised at how understanding and helpful many financial institutions and corporations can be: they'd rather work with you to get their money back than 'punish' you.
If you chose option B, you are admitting you need help, which is good, but be sure you don't use this loan as a band-aid. You still need to address the cause (why you can't pay your bills), not just the immediate problem. Again, you may need to put yourself on a budget and be sure that your budget includes setting aside money to pay back that loan (or for future emergencies.)
Option C is probably the best option. Although it may be difficult to admit to others (or yourself) that you need financial help, advice from experts can be invaluable. Even people who don't have financial difficulties often seek expert advice on getting the most from their money. An honest and responsible approach can save your reputation and lead to well-earned esteem. It can also lead to a debt-free and even profitable future!

Scenario 5. A close relative is always criticizing your job, which you happen to enjoy and pays your bills, you:

A. Get a new job that your relative approves of so that he will leave you alone.
B. Start to question if your job is right for you.
C. Repeatedly make excuses to your relative about why you're keeping the job.
D. Ask your relative to explain why he hates your job and address his concerns. If the criticism continues, you ask him to keep it positive or withhold it altogether.

Responses:
If you chose option A, B, or C, you are placing too much emphasis on what your relative thinks is important, not what you think is important. If you are happy with your job, if your coworkers treat you well, and if your job meets your financial needs, you are already luckier than most! Don't let groundless criticisms make you question your own judgment. If, on the other hand, a nagging voice in your head (not your relative's), says that there is some truth to the criticism, you might want to ask yourself why you are staying with your job.
Option D shows self-confidence in your judgment and a willingness to defend it. It also shows a respect for others' beliefs. By taking the time to listen to and address your relative's criticisms, you are not only being open to new ideas but also showing him that you respect his beliefs. Taking the time to listen and respond may be enough to stop future criticisms. If it's not, you have every right (and the confidence) to ask him to stop.